Hey you,
I hope you have been well? As it is my birthday week this week, I decided to post a reflection post. Today I’ll be talking about 10 things I’d tell my younger self about life. I hope this post will help you improve your lifestyle.
Introduction
I know that I’m still very young and I am enjoying each day as it comes, but I really wanted to share this with the people who are in their high school or early twenties, the college years and early work life. There are so many lessons that I’ve learnt the past few years and so many things I’d love to tell my younger self, but here are the top 10 things I’d tell my younger self in this season.
The 10 things I’d tell my younger self
1. You’re younger than you think
It’s so easy to look back and feel like you’re so old now, when you compare yourself to where you used to be. The world around you makes you want to plan out every detail and go 200km/h, but you can’t carry everything at once. You can’t carry every respondibility at once.
You have so much more life ahead of you, than there is behind you, so you don’t have to rush it. Take your time, get to know yourself, discover the world. There are so many things that you can do with the time you have right now.
The way I started getting to know myself is through traveling and journaling.
I would put in effort to get out of the country when possible. With covid it wasn’t very easy, but it was certainly doable. I mainly traveled to neighbouring countries and during the time I couldn’t leave the country I’d visit another random town in Belgium itself. Travelling helped me broaden my scope of the world.
During the travels, I documented quite a lot of the things I did in a journal. For serious reflection, I used journal prompts to trigger my mind to think deeper about who I am and where I’m headed.
I made some journal promps, if you want to check them out, click here.
2. Slow is the fastest way to get there
Many think that the more you do and the faster you run, the faster you will get there, but the goal isn’t to sprint, it’s to run a marathon. Make sure that you’re going at a pace that is sustainable for you.
Take your time to work out what you want to do and who you want to be. Write down those ideas and create a plan,write down the plan and break it down into smaller steps.
It’s important to go at one step at a time. Give yourself the time to grow and master the skill or knowledge properly.
If you don’t know where to start I also have some prompts on how to create a plan and achieve it, just click here.
3. You don’t have time
Lol, after the last point you must be thinking what do you mean, Joy? Why would you add this to the list of “10 things I’d tell my younger self”? While you do have time to achieve your goals, you don’t have time to waste on things that you’re not supposed to be doing. There are so many things that people do, that don’t add value, rest, peace or joy to your life. Eliminate the things that are not going to benefit you in the future.
Many people who don’t achieve their goals later on in life, it’s not because of a lack of good ideas or plans, but a lack of discipline, I don’t mean a schedule, although that is also helpful, but what I am talking about it a sacrifice.
Many people don’t realise that to get to where you want to go, you will have to make sacrifices in your life to get to where you want to go, out of all of the 10 things I’d tell my younger self, I think this is one of the most important ones. It’s okay to sacrifice some things that seem nice now for who you want to be later.
4. Work hard and play hard: invest time into knowledge and good frienships
Part 4 of the 10 things I’d tell my younger self is about the importance of a healthy life balance. You need knowledge. The world keeps discovering new things, so you need to make sure that there is at least one thing that you specialize yourself in. One thing that you’re good at and have a general knowledge of other things. It’s important to be a T-specialist.
What is a T-specialist, you might wonder? Someone who specializes in one part of a process and has general knowledge of the rest of the process.
Good friendships are so important in this part of your life. Do make sure that you make time to invest into the friendships that are healthy for you.
The easiest way to know if a friendship is healthy is by answering the following questions for yourself:
- Do I feel like a better person after being around them?
- Am I able to learn something from this person?
- Am I able to teach and help them in some way?
- Do I feel drained after hanging with them or not?
- Which part of me is activated while I’m hanging with this person?
Just those 1-3 people in your life that are worth investing most of your time into. With those few friendships learn how to socialize. Get to know different personalities, learn to live with people with different thoughts, beliefs, preferences. It makes adapting in life later on way easier.
It’s also very crucial to surround yourself with at least one person who shares the same values and beliefs as you so that you can grow together. So that you don’t lose track of your values during vurnerable seasons in your life.
5. It’s okay to make mistakes
This has been by far the most important thing out of all the 10 things I’d tell my younger self. It is so important to know that it’s okay to make mistakes. As long as you learn from them, you’re going to be fine. You need to have grace for yourself.
Forgive yourself when you mess up. Apologise to the people whom you’ve hurt and move on from the things that you’ve done. You’re not perfect and never will be.
It is important to note that there are consequences for those actions and you’ll have to face them head on, but do not allow the consequences of those actions to stop you from forgiving yourself and becoming a better person.
6. You only fail when you give up
We’re over the halfway mark now and a part of me wants to give up on writing this post, because it’s getting so long, but as the title of this point reads; you only fail when you give up. And I’m not planning on giving up on this post, because it might just help that 1 person who’s going through these struggles. It’s the same thing with everything else in life.
It might look like it’s taking longer to happen for you than it did for your friends, but don’t stop because it’s taking longer. Keep fighting. Keep working on it, perfect your craft. Work on yourself. Heal from that pain and trauma.
7. If it’s bringing more stress than peace, it’s not worth staying in
Number 7 of the 10 things I’d tell my younger self is this one:
If it’s robbing your peace of mind and eating away your soul, it isn’t worth it
Joy Kapinda
“Yeah, but I need the money?” It isn’t worth it.
“You don’t get it, I need this to survive!” It’s still not worth it, there are other ways of getting the things that you need that don’t involve eating at your soul. I used to be the type of person who’d push through evertything even though it was harming me deep down. I used to work a lot, because I needed money for school and the bills and I wanted to save, etc. but honestly, the level of stress that it gave me made me spend the money I made on stress relief methods. It’s not worth it.
8. Write, write, write! Add it to your lifestyle
Over the years, I have been discovering the power of writing things down. As a person who forgets like every single thing and tends to tripple book, yeah, not double book, but tripple book myself at times, writing has things down has been my lifesaver.
Because of that I had to add it to my 10 things I’d tell my younger self list. It wasn’t easy to get into the habit of writing and to be honest, I’m still struggling with it sometimes, but it’s so necesarry. It has so many benefits, because there are so many different things that you can write in a day:
- To-do list
- How you feel
- Appointments and deadlines
- Grocery list; this one really helps to avoid over spending. Especially these days when the prices have gone up so much and you can’t afford your treat yourself snack anymore.
- Reflection on life
- Your progress: it is so important to keep track of your progress. More about that bellow
As you can see above, writing can mean a lot of things and can spare you from a lot of drama, anxiety, missed deadlines and overbooking, but one of the most important ones is tracking your progress.
As you keep moving in life it’s tempting to overlook all the good things that you’ve accomplished so far and focus on the negatives that you yet have to improve on.
9. Watch how you talk to yourself
Number 9 of the 10 things I’d tell my younger self is watch how you talk about yourself.
My mother always used to say, if you have nothing good to say, then don’t say it at all. You might’ve heard your parents say that as well. This isn’t only a phrase to apply to other people, but also about how you think of yourself. It’s so important to watch the way you think of yourself, because based on those thoughts you will treat yourself a certain way. It’s so important to treat yourself with care.
If you’ve been struggling with negativity, lack of energy or will to do anything, it probably has to do with the way you speak to yourself. A positive life, starts with positive self-talk.
Try and be more consious of how you think of yourself. The fastest way to know how you think of yourself is by listing the first 5 adjectives that come to mind. If more than 3/5 are negative, you know that you need to work on your self-talk.
10. Never lose hope
The last point of the 10 things I’d tell my younger self is NEVER LOSE HOPE. There are so many things that will happen in life and you need to get through them all, because there is always light at the end of the tunnel. As long as you’re still breathing, there are things that you can accomplish in your life.
Make sure you have something to hold onto that is not external. Make sure it’s something that is not dependant on your situation.
In my case I hold onto the Lord. In the midst of everything that happens around me, He is still there, He is still good and He still loves me. The knowledge of that fact is what keeps me going. Even though everything around me can shake and bend, that wisdom keeps me standing.
Bonus lessons
Yes, we got to 10, but there were a few more that I thought of that have been helpful in life as well. So, in addition to the 10 things I’d tell my younger self, here are a few lifestyle changes that I stand behind that will help you shape your lifestyle.
Bonus: 11. Read books
Yes, I know, it’s not easy to grab a book and read, but this is such an important one. Reading is a habit and skill that is usually underrated. The people who are able to read often forget that there are people who can’t. Reading is such an important way of communicating in society.
You can read to learn, you can read to relax, you can read to be still. There are so many books out there, if you have the feeling that there are no books that are interesting enough for you, take the time to find them, because the story or information you’re looking for most definitely exists. Written words are a way to connect the past to the present and the present to your future. There is so much that can be learnt through reading.
If you don’t like reading at all and have tried to make it into a habit, but haven’t been able to, then try listening to the books.
Bonus: 12. Learn home skills
If you’re still living at home, use the opportunity to learn how to run a household as good as you possibly can, because one day, you will have to run one yourself. So things such as admin work (bills, taxes, legal contracts), laundry, cooking, ironing, doctor’s appointments (yes, you know you’re still tempted to call your mom to make the appointment for you).
The main skills that will give you a head start are the following:
- Learn how to schedule in home administration: when to pay bills, how to organise the bills that you’ve paid, work contracts
- Learn how to cook at least 10 different meals: when you know how to cook, it gives you confidence to create and try out new recipes in the kitchen.
- Make sure you know how to use a washing machine and dishwasher: I know it sounds silly, but trust me, these are underrated skills. Did you know that you have to clean your washing machine every month? Did you know that you have to clean out your dish washer filter every week?
- Cleaning schedule: yeah, your parents telling you to clean every saturday will be a lifesaver later on. The more you make this a habit when you’re younger the less it becomes a hassle later on.
- Taxes: know when to hand them in in time, try and learn how to fill it out to the best of your ability as well, it can save you quite a lot of money 😉.
I hope you enjoyed this post on 10 things I’d tell my younger self, and if you have please don’t be shy and leave a like or a comment! 😉
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Big love,
Joy
