This blog post is about how to know you’re valued and how you can value yourself.
Self-respect is a very underrated concept. Respecting yourself doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re being prideful, but it rather means that you value yourself and the one who made you.
There is so much doubt and distrust lately. Have you ever taken a moment to think about the things that make you feel valuable? Take a moment and think about it.
In this post, you’ll discover what it means to be truly valued, which signs you should look out for, and why it’s all so important.
What does it mean to be valued?
To be valued is to be seen, treated, acknowledged, and spoken to in a manner that whatever is said or done provides you with something that you can use to build yourself up.
It means that all things that are said or done feed and strengthen you.
To value yourself is to know the one who created you. It’s to look at yourself in the long run. You give yourself time.
It’s knowing that discipline is not your saviour, self-discipline is a fruit of the spirit, but human discipline often makes us prideful or insecure. More about how to do that can be read below.
How to respect and value yourself?
When it comes to valuing yourself, it all starts with a choice. You need to choose to value yourself.
The choices
The first choice you’ll have to make is to know where your worth comes from. To choose whose validation you want. Is it God’s? Is it your own? Or is it from other people?
If it’s for other people, you need to ask yourself what it is that you’re trying to get from others that you can’t find in God and within yourself.
The second decision you’ll have to make is not to allow other people’s opinions to cloud your self-expression. God has made us all different, and how we express it is different.
Good friends told me:
Your eyesight is the ability to see changes throughout your life. As you get older, it will be harder to see, but you will see more.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, therefore it’s important that your eye is the beholder too.
The way you perceive yourself and the way you express yourself will change a lot throughout the years, yet your personal values will stay the same throughout your life.
Values
Come up with 5 key values and the why that you will hold on to throughout your life. Write down the characteristics and actions that are important to you and why, and let them be a protective shield for your heart.
As an example, here are my 5 values:
1. Love God and love your neighbour
2. Respect as a baseline.
3. Wisdom is at the core of success
4. True success lies in the greatness of my character
5. Integrity is key
It is important to take note that the why behind your values is the thing that will stay steadfast, but the way you fill it in can change over time. For example, Respect as a baseline; in the past, it meant that I would give people respect freely without showing how I needed to be respected. Now, I respect people in a way that shows them how to respect me as well.
So don’t feel stuck to the ways that you live out your values, be open to evolving with them.
Respect as a baseline.
I
Boundaries
To be able to hold on to your values in your day-to-day life, it’s important to set boundaries that will accommodate the values. To only say or do things that are in line with those values.
It’s not a given, nor is it easy, but boundaries are a form of self-love. Not every opportunity or situation is something that will strengthen or benefit those values, and therefore yourself. It’s important to have discernment when making decisions.
Stand on business
Sometimes, to respect and value yourself, you just need to do the thing. Whether you’re scared or feel like you’ll make others uncomfortable, you need to stand on business. By sticking with what needs to be done, you will build confidence in your ability to make the right decisions, and you will be able to trust yourself more. This is a process, but every decision is a new opportunity to grow more into the person you want to be.
How can you know you’re being valued?
You’ve probably experienced people saying that they love you and care for you, but over time, you might see some signs and start doubting whether it’s true.
Here are a few ways to know that you’re being valued by others:
- They are patient with you: they give you the time and the space to express yourself and grow.
- They don’t rush your process; whether they are super excited or they know the answer to your problem, they will allow you to figure it out on your own when you need to, and will ask you whether or not you need their help.
- The reason why they hang out with you isn’t self-seeking. They would stick with you even when you can’t offer them anything. (Yes, he or she would still love you if you were a worm lol, just never ask them that).
- To be seen as long-term. They see you there for a long time. They take their time because they know: they’re not going anywhere. People value things the most when they last.
- There’s a gentleness about them. There’s a softness in how they treat you. They treat you with love and understanding.
- They don’t have problems with boundaries. They don’t mind going a bit slower. It doesn’t bother them, because 10 years from now, they’re still going to be here, and 20 years from now, they’re still going to be here.
- They’re not afraid to share their wisdom with you. You’re not in competition with them. They don’t see you as a threat.
- Criticism from someone who values you brings you closer to God and builds you up. Criticism that is not from someone who values you throws you into a pit that you have to consciously crawl out of and fear having to fall into it again.
- Their communication is not defensive. When they say something, it’s to try and fix the problem and build the relationship, rather than to attack you. They will make it about the issue, rather than you as the person.
I hope this post about respect and value was helpful. Don’t hesitate to let me know in the comments. 😉
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Big love,
Joy
